I Want to Go Back (Diary Entry #1)

June 4, 2015

Dear Diary,

Today is again another day that I have the feeling of wanting to go back to him. I thought I was okay, I really thought I was. But here I am, listening to our very first theme song, and thinking about where everything went wrong. I thought moving on was easy, like it would just take me a few months or weeks and then I’d be cool and over it. Unfortunately, I’m not. I’m still aching, I’m still bleeding, and I still have unanswered questions in my mind. Why does it have to be like this? Why are things like this? Why did we end up like this? Why did the good days have to end? Why?

“I like the feel of your name on my lips, I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss.” – I Love the Way You Love Me, Boyzone

I miss everything about you, I really do. I hope one day I’ll realize why these things are happening to me right now. I hope I can find the answers to my questions about you, about us. I’m still confused and hurt right now. I still can’t bear the pain. I thought I was okay, I thought I was better, but just now I realized that I still haven’t taken the first step of moving forward. I can see that you’re happy and well right now. I hope I get to be the same. I miss you so much. I want to go back to you right now, but I know I can’t.

“I want to be free, but I know it has been long since you’ve let go of me.”